Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirates. With a brave fight the pirates were repelled. 

The men sat around that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show blood and thus you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men marvelled at the courage of such a man.

The next morning, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate ships sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". Once again, the battle raged and the Captain and his crew emerged victorious. 

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men looked fearfully at their Captain. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

I can't help you out with anything brown (I just don't do brown), but if you are wearing a red shirt, there's some delightful red pieces listed in the Now or Never section. (You're welcome!)